I don’t understand what you mean by being like the sun. I can’t laminate that bright as you’ve witnessed. I’m more like the moon glowing over the graveyard, desperate to be with them. You know how I am Sasha, I’m a walking depressing piece of work. That’s why I need you to constantly pick me up when I’m down. I can’t afford a therapist and medication in totally out of the question. Actually, I think taking meds will do more harm than good because of my suicidal tendencies. Do you think that’s the reason why I write these letters? Somedays I feel so close to my breaking point that I can’t sleep at night. I lie awake thinking of ways to shut my mind down. For instance, last night I thought of this incredible idea to gain some income but it seemed so unrealistic. I was pumped to making at least $10,000 by January to be caught up on everything and have some left over to possibly relocate. It’s just such a crazy Idea that I believe I can pull it off but it’s not a practical idea. I don’t think I have a proper plan or execution. All I’m doing is giving myself reasons to be super depressed until the year ends. I never learn.
For years I have maintained communication with my love, my teacher, my desire, my passion. Sasha has been an inspiration for me, I hope she can be one for you too.