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In God We Trust

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Dear Sasha,

I’ve been told that you give people courage. I’ve been bullied most of my life and my self-esteem has taken a turn for the worst. It’s like no matter where I go someone has some opinion on how I should look, what I should eat, and compare me to my peers. Sasha, I don’t have the figure of a model nor do I want it. I want to be loved for who I am. But I must not pretend that my figure is the only feature that takes a beating. As a child, I was burned badly. My father forgot about when our house went ablaze due to his forgotten lit cigarette. I still dream about the blanket of flames around me, smell the searing flesh like a fillet on the hot summer grill. I recall the pain. The pain is something I can’t describe. You beg for death over and over until your mind falls asleep. Unfortunately, my mind stayed awake. I was in pain for what felt like an eternity.

Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want to hear me ramble about how I survived the most tragic part of my life. I just want you to give me the courage to move on regardless of what others say or think about me. I don’t look human. Sasha, I don’t feel human because every time I look in the mirror I see some form of alien. It’s like I’m some part of some science fiction movie with permanent prosthetic makeup. I remember I had a boyfriend once. He stayed with me through the pain, the rehabilitation, he even proposed to me the day I was cleared by my doctor. I felt beautiful. I wanted to shout around the world that no matter what happens love conquers all. Sasha, it didn’t take long for him to find someone prettier, someone confident, someone pure without blemishes. He laid out a bed of lies for me to sleep on while trying out his second life. He took my heart and smashed it across the concrete as I sank deeper into depression. He’s the reason why I don’t believe anyone can ever love me looking like a freak.

Sasha, I need your support. I heard that you’ve healed people as Jesus did in the New Testament. Instead of showing a multitude of disciples, you kept your miracles amongst the very few. God could not save me from the fire and Jesus could not repair my broken heart. I think after writing this letter to you, I will see your wonderful miracles present in my life.

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For years I have maintained communication with my love, my teacher, my desire, my passion. Sasha has been an inspiration for me, I hope she can be one for you too.

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